Archive for October, 2009
“He has the hiccups”, Melissa said as she grinned from ear to ear. We were sitting in my office just chatting as she stopped mid sentence to motion me over to feel her tummy. I knelt by her chair and gently placed my hand on her ever-growing belly and waited. Bump–Bump–Bump…. there it was! Caleb’s rhythmic pulse could be felt though all the layers of her maternity-wear. A warmth grew around my heart as I envisioned our little one inside hiccuping.
We sat there for a couple minutes just to take in the wonder of it all. The thought that we are the parents and caregivers of this little person is so overwhelming at times that it seems all too surreal. But in moments like these I feel connected to our son in a way I could never describe with words. Words fail to express the depth of the connection and the love I already feel for this little person. When he moves and we can both feel him, I feel as if my whole focus in life is narrowed like a laser beam on my wife and my son - as if we were the only three people in the universe along with the Lord. You have probably heard people say (or even experienced for yourself) how a moment in time can seem to pause and last for an eternity. Well, just as I had taken in my breath and was preparing to exhale, time ground to a halt. It was almost as if I could observe myself from a third-person perspective as I watched the three of us huddle together enjoying the miracle of that moment – the miracle of hiccups. Maybe I was getting just a glimpse of what Father God sees – how he smiles as he pours out his heart into ours so that our love expands for this little person. Maybe, for just a moment, I saw through the eyes of Jesus – tender, gentle, all-knowing, all-caring, all loving. As the moment hung in space and time, I thanked Him. I thanked him for all that Christ did for us on the cross – how my life was changed forever by his grace and his love. I thanked him for bringing Melissa into my life because I could never imagine a more wonderful person to share this miracle with – to share my life and my soul with – the woman who embodies the most perfect wife, tailor made for me by His loving hands. I thanked him for our unborn son Caleb, who will be an and already is an incredible blessing. I realized that God himself deemed us worthy to give us an eternal gift. He has already given us everything by giving us the life of his Son, but now, as the moment hangs in the air in silence, he gave me a son!
With a soft sigh, I exhaled. What seemed like an eternal moment came to a beautiful but bitter-sweet end as I realized that I couldn’t exist in that moment forever. As the rhythmic bumping of Caleb’s hiccups began again, it came to me. I realized that so often as adults, we lose sight of what is truly beautiful in this world. When we get the hiccups, it’s an annoyance – even irritating. And yet, in the body of a little child it is so beautiful. A child’s hiccups are full of life! Why do we as adults choose to lose sight of all the wonderful things that God has given us. When Jesus had the little children come to him, his disciples tried to turn them away because they probably thought “The Master has more important things to do than deal with these annoying kids!” But what did Jesus do? He opened his arms and with a smile that warmed up the farthest reaches of the cold universe he said “Let the children come to me!” Jesus then went on to say that we should all have the faith and wide-eyed wonder of a little child. How easy it is for us to “grow up” and forget to look at our world with the eyes of a child. In that moment, for just an instant, I saw through the eyes of a little child. I saw the wonder in something as simple as – well, hiccups.

Joy. That’s what I see in the eyes of my wife. An insatiable joy as she peers down at her ever expanding belly. A smile spreads across her face as she envisions holding that precious baby in her arms for the first time.
I will never fully understand women. They are complex, non-logical (to my geek-driven logical mind), emotionally driven, and overall confusing. But within each woman is a seed implanted by God himself at their conception – a seed of motherhood. For many, this seed is buried deep inside and never allowed to sprout to life – they may claim many reasons – career, time, energy, etc. But all women have it. As a soon-to-be daddy, I have found myself observing the emotions and feelings of my wife far more closely as it pertains to motherhood. I’ve seen that seed begin to sprout and grow. In her life, it is beginning to blossom as I see her interact with our son. Even though he is yet unborn, it’s almost as if she misses him. As if Caleb Joshua is supposed to be in her arms at this very moment. In my mind’s eye, I already see her holding his tiny little body close to hers – enveloping him in her arms with the radiance of pure love and joy pouring forth from her entire being.
As we sit together, looking into each other’s eyes, Melissa and I both smile – we share a deep and rich love and affection for each other unsurpassed by our wildest imagination. And yet, that love can expand to include another. Melissa put it best when she said that “… the beauty of the human heart is that it was designed to expand to accommodate more love than we could ever imagine.” What my wife has said so beautifully is a glimpse of what true love is and the Source from which it comes.
All love comes from God. He IS love. His love is limitless, timeless, selfless, and all consuming. Our love is finite and limited in comparison. So the miracle of love and of life is that when we are blessed with the opportunity to love a new person gifted to our family through the miracle of birth, it is as if Christ himself reaches down into each of our hearts and expands them with his gentle and tender hands. We do not lose love for each other, nay we gain more for each other as the heart expands and yet there is now room for what seems to be a limitless love for this new little person.
I am so proud to be a daddy. In fact, a couple nights ago I picked up a gift from our first baby shower that was a blanket that said “I Love Daddy” on it. I lost it. It suddenly became real for the first time since Melissa got pregnant. When I say “real” I mean I suddenly felt connected to my son as if he were in my arms gazing up at me with his big eyes full of wonder and life. The miracle happened at that very moment – I felt my heart expand in a remarkable way that I cannot explain or describe. Nothing anyone has said or could have said could have prepared me for that moment. The tears flowed as I watched my dear wife behold in her mind’s eye that same beautiful bundle of life. In that one moment, which seemed to stretch on for eternity, we both connected in a very real and spiritual way, to our son, Caleb.
Son, when you read this someday, you will know the love I speak of. You will be shown, told, and surrounded by love every day of your life. Mommy and Daddy only want the best for you and your life. You are a precious gift of God and we await your arrival with eager anticipation.
And as we wait, I realize that I am beginning to become a daddy – and I watch with excitement and love as my lovely wife blooms – she is becoming mommy.

