A Day Off…
So today I took a day off. I had worked 7 days straight and had been “on-call” at work for 5 of them. If any of you have ever worked a customer service role, you may understand what I mean when I say that I took over 300 calls and emails in 3 of those five days and had to personally solve a large percentage of them. I work in IT as a help desk technician and most problems aren’t just simple 1 minute phone calls either.
One thing I have difficulty with at times is the ability to multi-task. (I’ll try to explain this with as little “geek speak” as I can – I promise!) In the course of a single hour, I can literally take 2 or 3 dozen calls (we call them tickets) all about something completely different than the previous calls. It means that I have to continually switch gears in my mind often mid-stream on solving another problem. Imagine having 3 different problems all in various stages of solving and as you get about half-way through each one, another few come in and you have to leave those first couple and fix the new ones as quickly as possible and then remember where you left off on the previous problems. Then you get a few more minutes into those before another half-dozen calls come in and you start the process all over again. Yeah, that was my week. Then I volunteered to work the weekend to help with an upgrade of hardware at one of our centers and although it went very smoothly, my brain decided it was done – in fact at one point earlier in the week I believe I saw it get up and run screaming out of my office, down the hallway and out the back door to who knows where. It finally returned later that day… I think…
Anyway, back to my day off. I decided that Melissa and I were in need of some quality time together today and use some vacation time to take the day off. It was amazing. It’s proof like I spoke about in my previous post “Connected or Disconnected” that reconnecting does not require anything elaborate or expensive. We asked my mom if she’d come over and watch Caleb for a few hours while we got out of the house together and just hung out. It wasn’t anything spectacular (other than Melissa looked AMAZING because she got all fixed up and was stunning! Excuse me while I wipe the drool off my beard
) We got a cheap lunch at Whole Foods, went on to look for a new purse for her at Ross, went to Sunflower market to get a couple things, went to Starbucks to get a couple drinks, picked up a laptop from another blogger who was having trouble with it to help her out, and finally to Wal-Mart to return a duplicate gift and get Melissa some makeup.
You wouldn’t think it was a date, but for us it kinda was. It was special to just be together doing something that for us is relaxing and enjoyable. I loved every moment and cherished the time together without Caleb although we both missed him and loved coming back home to his grins and giggles.
There is nothing like being a parent. You can never get enough of your children and yet you need time away too just to reconnect and remember what being married is all about. It’s not always sunshine and roses and candle lit dinners but even a trip to Wal-Mart can be fun when you’re together. So I urge fellow parents out there – get out of the house together this week, just the two of you. If you can find a babysitter do it and even if you just go to your favorite coffee shop and get hot tea (the cheapest date you can get at a coffee shop!) just sit and chat or play one of the many board games they have there… or bring your own…. or go to Wal-Mart and buy your wife a tube of lipstick… I promise she’ll love it!
Connected or Disconnected?
Thanks to our friend Renee and her recent post, I thought I’d share my own feelings on a topic that is close to my heart.
What is our first calling as men (or women). To provide for our families? To teach and love our children? To be apart of a local fellowship of believers? Well scripture is very clear on this. “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39 NIV. I’ve said it before and we all know the truth that we are to first and foremost love God and serve Him – but the second part is where we often turn our ears off. Who is our “neighbor”? Is it those who live across, next door, or down the street? Well yes it is, but what’ s more, it’s even those who live under the same roof – such as your spouse. How easy is it to get comfortable in life with each other as a couple? In nearly 4 years of marriage, there’s one thing I’ve learned that stands out to me more than anything at this moment – how easy it is to take my wife for granted.
I don’t mean to, it’s not in my nature to be unloving to her or to push her aside as if she’s just an accessory to my life but I’ve done it more times than I care to admit.
I remember the days when we dated, how we were so eager just to spend even an hour together. The excitement that filled the room when we laid eyes on each other was intoxicating. I couldn’t get enough of her and she couldn’t get enough of me. But fast forward almost 4 years… add in jobs, a small business, debt, activities, church, a baby, a house that is always in need of cleaning and maintenance, and so much more – where does that leave “us”? It leaves us in a up and down cycle of falling away from each other and coming back together again.
This roller coaster is tough on a marriage. I don’t for one moment fear for our relationship but what I do fear is that we will somehow forget the “magic of those days” – the days when a single knowing smile from Melissa would cause butterflies to dance in my stomach and my heart to skip a beat. I don’t want to stop pursuing her, dating her, or passionately liking her (yes, I said “like” because my love for her is unshakable but I don’t always like her when we’re in the midst of a difficult situation and aren’t seeing eye-to-eye.) So how can I bring back the wonder – the excitement? Its not some formula of x number of date nights to y number of days equals a sublime marriage. No, it’s far more difficult than that. It’s all about my attitude and heart. I know that for me personally, it’s so easy to just give in to the tiredness that sets in after a long week at work, to sit on opposite ends of the couch and veg in front of the TV completely disconnected from each other. In just a few brief days, the connection we share can begin to erode and we begin to drift apart – living together, but not really being there with each other.
But to bring it all back takes being intentional about spending quality time together. And guys, quality time does not include a TV, computer, or video game! I mean “face time” when a couple can sit together quietly and talk if they wish or just be together in the silence. I’m not trying to preach here, I’m speaking this to myself as much as to anyone else. I know the truth, but its not always easy to get the truth from my head to my heart.
Tonight was a night that we both felt disconnected and distant from each other. We didn’t choose it intentionally, it just happened as we got caught up in the week’s activities and pressures but we also broke through. But tonight we also reconnected again. It was as simple as acknowledging our feelings, and pursuing each other in love and understanding. Cuddling on the floor as Caleb played at our feet, we plugged back in to each other – and it was like a rush of oxygen. Are we perfect? Not even close! But after tonight, I know that we are on the uphill portion of this roller coaster we call life and I pray that as we grow and mature in the Lord and with each other that the “disconnects” will become fewer and shorter.
Ask yourself this question: Am I pursuing my spouse like I did when we were dating? Do I make him or her feel like they are the most important thing in my life (other than the Lord)? If you answer no to either of the questions, then you need to take a serious look at your relationship and examine your heart to see what you can change that will bring you back together. We can’t live in the honeymoon phase forever, but we can sure visit it more often than we do! It doesn’t take money to spend quality time together – but it is costly. It will cost you your time. Isn’t that what we gave of so freely when we first met? Why do we now hold it so close and selfishly? Think about that… I know I am.
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