Thanks to our friend Renee and her recent post, I thought I’d share my own feelings on a topic that is close to my heart.

What is our first calling as men (or women). To provide for our families? To teach and love our children? To be apart of a local fellowship of believers? Well scripture is very clear on this. “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39 NIV. I’ve said it before and we all know the truth that we are to first and foremost love God and serve Him – but the second part is where we often turn our ears off. Who is our “neighbor”? Is it those who live across, next door, or down the street? Well yes it is, but what’ s more, it’s even those who live under the same roof – such as your spouse. How easy is it to get comfortable in life with each other as a couple? In nearly 4 years of marriage, there’s one thing I’ve learned that stands out to me more than anything at this moment – how easy it is to take my wife for granted.

I don’t mean to, it’s not in my nature to be unloving to her or to push her aside as if she’s just an accessory to my life but I’ve done it more times than I care to admit.

I remember the days when we dated, how we were so eager just to spend even an hour together. The excitement that filled the room when we laid eyes on each other was intoxicating. I couldn’t get enough of her and she couldn’t get enough of me. But fast forward almost 4 years… add in jobs, a small business, debt, activities, church, a baby, a house that is always in need of cleaning and maintenance, and so much more –  where does that leave “us”? It leaves us in a up and down cycle of falling away from each other and coming back together again.

This roller coaster is tough on a marriage.  I don’t for one moment fear for our relationship but what I do fear is that we will somehow forget the “magic of those days” – the days when a single knowing smile from Melissa would cause butterflies to dance in my stomach and my heart to skip a beat. I don’t want to stop pursuing her, dating her, or passionately liking her (yes, I said “like” because my love for her is unshakable but I don’t always like her when we’re in the midst of a difficult situation and aren’t seeing eye-to-eye.) So how can I bring back the wonder – the excitement? Its not some formula of x number of date nights to y number of days equals a sublime marriage. No, it’s far more difficult than that. It’s all about my attitude and heart. I know that for me personally, it’s so easy to just give in to the tiredness that sets in after a long week at work, to sit on opposite ends of the couch and veg in front of the TV completely disconnected from each other. In just a few brief days, the connection we share can begin to erode and we begin to drift apart – living together, but not really being there with each other.

But to bring it all back takes being intentional about spending quality time together. And guys, quality time does not include a TV, computer, or video game! I mean “face time” when a couple can sit together quietly and talk if they wish or just be together in the silence. I’m not trying to preach here, I’m speaking this to myself as much as to anyone else. I know the truth, but its not always easy to get the truth from my head to my heart.

Tonight was a night that we both felt disconnected and distant from each other. We didn’t choose it intentionally, it just happened as we got caught up in the week’s activities and pressures but we also broke through. But tonight we also reconnected again. It was as simple as acknowledging our feelings, and pursuing each other in love and understanding. Cuddling on the floor as Caleb played at our feet, we plugged back in to each other – and it was like a rush of oxygen. Are we perfect? Not even close! But after tonight, I know that we are on the uphill portion of this roller coaster we call life and I pray that as we grow and mature in the Lord and with each other that the “disconnects” will become fewer and shorter.

Ask yourself this question: Am I pursuing my spouse like I did when we were dating? Do I make him or her feel like they are the most important thing in my life (other than the Lord)? If you answer no to either of the questions, then you need to take a serious look at your relationship and examine your heart to see what you can change that will bring you back together. We can’t live in the honeymoon phase forever, but we can sure visit it more often than we do! It doesn’t take money to spend quality time together – but it is costly. It will cost you your time. Isn’t that what we gave of so freely when we first met? Why do we now hold it so close and selfishly? Think about that… I know I am.